Title: The Red Past
Author: Toruviel
Rating: M
Genre: Action/Drama
Status: WIP
Library Category: Other Fandoms [Star Wars]
Pairings: Anakin Skywalker/Padme Amidala (background)
Summary: Hanging below the Cloud City, in shock and pain, abandoned by friends dead and alive alike, Luke Skywalker knew better than to ask for help for the third time. He begged for understanding instead.
The Force heard.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11402409/chapters/25539126?view_adult=true

Yeah, I'm posting my own story. Don't @ me. I know it's not perfect, ok, far from it, but it has it's strong points too. The premise is simple: Luke Skywalker is not rescued after Bespin but instead travels back in time to the era of the Republic and strong Jedi Order. The story mainly explores how war (and trauma in general) can affect a person, and how strange it was that there was a whole generation of people fighting to restore a republic they had never known, never experienced. How would reality compare to the dream?

Strong points of the story include fairly complex characters and motivations, decent pacing and an amazing Palpatine, manipulative and subtle and dangerous. And quite a lyrical writing style, if you like this kind of thing. Weak points include occasional spelling errors, trying to force all my ideas into one story and lyrical writing, which can sometimes morph into way too much melodrama. (What can I say, it was my first ever story. I've improved since then.)

I've tried to be objective, but honestly, you'll just have to give it a go and see if you like it. Have fun.

 

This story is a bit all over the place. The beginning is extremely awkward to the point that I just skipped it. It often strays into the Jedi bashing so common in the fandom. Luke's voice is very out of character. I still enjoyed the story.

Spoiler

The premise of Luke falling into the same trap as Anakin did with Palpatine's manipulations is good.

 

God damn, it's like you took the Luke who complains about going to Tosche Station to pick up power converters and cranked him up to 11.

Whiney and angsty - this doesn't read anything like how I imagine Luke would act. His character voice is very off-putting.

 

@Donimo Fuck's sake guy, spoilers.

 

Sorry about that.

 

Yeah, I really like the story as it stands at the moment. Your writing improved leaps and bounds from chapter to chapter, and I really like where you're leading Luke. That being said, I think a majority of the characters you've written are at least moderately ooc, and some of the names you've come up with for your ocs are a bit too wacky for my tastes.
3.5/5 (Rounding up - The SW library needs more stories.)

 

Man, this is an odd one. I'm quite enamored with most of it really - you have a way of describing things that makes imagining their appearance or feeling fairly vivid to me, and that's great for the SW universe. There's really only one thing weighing it down for me.

Luke.

In so many words, he's a bit of a bitch. The PTSD thing I can handle, and it's written pretty well compared to a lot of other stories, but the way he interacts with Mace is just ridiculous - I can't imagine a master putting up with that level of complete obstinance and disobedience from anyone, to say nothing of someone they suspect of possibly killing another master, and possibly his old one. In this respect, it feels like a run-of-the-mill indy!Harry story from the Potter universe where authority figures just let him run rampant over everything, and it's a bit jarring to see it in the Jedi ranks.

Despite this, I blew through what you've written up to now, and am quite enjoying it. Palpatine in particular is just as creepy and sleazy as he is on screen, and you're mentally screaming for Luke not to fall for it the whole time they're in a scene together. Good stuff.

4 out of 5 for me up to now.