Wow. This fic is hilariously bad. It may not have seem clichéd in 2005, but now it reads like a laundry list of what not to do in a Harry Potter story. Some of it could be overlooked if the execution weren’t so terrible. English isn’t the author’s first language, and it shows in every sentence. The real problem, though, isn’t grammar or syntax, but the story itself.

It’s the summer after OotP, and Harry is depressed over Sirius’ death. So he escapes his minders to drink in a pub called ‘The Black Dog.’ He meets a former Unspeakable there, who also happens to be the world’s only living ‘warlock.’ Goddamn, but it was a lucky thing he chose to drink in that particular pub!

Super!OC makes Harry his apprentice on the spot, and they discover that he has a block on his magic. Once it’s removed, Harry instantly becomes the most powerful wizard since Merlin. Fap. Fap. Fap. (Seriously, that's exactly how the author describes it).

It also turns out that Harry is a ‘fire mage’—someone able to make Hiroshima look like a campfire if he so chooses—but of course they don’t use this power to instantly end the war.

What else? Oh yes—he’s a metamorphmagus, an empath, a master of mind magic, has two animagus forms (a royal eagle and a shadowtiger, natch), and so on and so forth, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad masturbatum.

uke:

Oh, did I forget to mention that he’s also Lord Potter, Lord Black, and Lord Gryffindor? That he owns half of England? That he goes shopping and then gets earrings and magical tattoos? That he and Tonks begin dating for no discernable reason whatsoever?

Anyway, this thing is complete, but I couldn’t make it past chapter four. My congratulations to you if you’re able to make it further.

tl; dr: burn it with fire/5

 

Neglected Fanfic Review

Handicaps: Written between 2004 and 2005 (dated), English isn't first language

Plot: Stupid. Harry meets a "Warlock", some annoying character, and goes on to become the greatest wizard ever ever ever and gets a zillion blah blah SuperTrunkStory.
1.0

Characterization: Flat. Tonks and Harry suddenly get together for no reason. They literally declare their love for each other after two minutes of talking.
1.0

Originality: Cliches include PuppetMaster!Dumbledore, ShoppingSpree, AnnoyingNewCharacters, HarryTrainsInEverything, BrandNewHarry
1.0

Entertainment: Not worth your time.
1.0

Technical: Not so great, but reasonable considering the language issue.
1.5

Potential: Irrelevant, because it's Complete.
N/A

COULD I EVEN FINISH IT?
No

Chapter & Word Count/Review Ratio: 20 chapters, 77,324 words, 761 reviews or
38 reviews per chapter / 101 words per review => I hate the author

Rating (average + handicaps): 1.5

Andro's Sliding Scale of Fanfic Reviews Says:


Or: Slightly better than My Immortal... but not by much.